Santasorange99

As a young, single man, it is safe to say that I have enjoyed my single lifestyle for the past two or so years. Enjoying a sense of freedom and solitude which some people in relationships struggle to find. Yes, this lifestyle has been good to me. However, that being said, there have been many times in which I find myself wishing that I wasn't single. Times when I have wished that I had a lady to snuggle up with, enjoy a sunrise, gaze at the stars, or just simply enjoy a cup of tea with. A lady whom loved me for who I am; somebody who loved me more than just a friend. She would be a girl whom found my various faults (like god awful arithmetic skills, my awkwardness or my outrageously loud laugh) cute, accepted my nerdy interests, as well as being more than happy to snuggle up with me for an entire night without judging me for not wanting any follow up sex. A woman who I could completely and utterly open up to without any fear of rejection or no understand of how I felt. Alas, I haven't found a person like so.
I learnt to deal with my loneliness by simply telling myself that I enjoy being single. Sadly it worked, although the truth finds a way of sneaking up on me when I least expect it. Some of my friends know that I wish to have a meaningful, loving relationship sooner rather than later for I have told them. But what I haven't told them is that it is something that I have always wanted. Honesty is one of the values I admire highly, but I haven't been too honest with myself lately out of fear for being viewed as weak. It is only in these moments that I find myself being brutally honest with myself. When I wake up tomorrow morning, this (myself opening up) shall be a shameful memory of the night before which shouldn't be repeated for a very long while. The 'strong silent type' is supposed to be the manliest man of all men, but he sure as hell must be lonely.

Strap on the armour of falseness, fasten the breast plate of untruthfulness, and buckle the helmet of erroneous; for you are about to embark upon stepping out of your front door, and journey into the realm of reality. This armour exists only in your mind. You forged it in your mental blacksmiths, adding different pieces and extensions over time. You forged it for one purpose. These plates allow you to yield the strengths of the hero, the mightiness of the victor, and the venerability of ageless legends whose deeds still echo through the dense forest of time. This armour allows you to forget whom you really are whilst you face your adversaries and steal the affection of that one person whom you so cherish. But beneath this psychological steel is a quivering, wounded, weeping soul which bleeds away it's former glory of happier times, whilst desperately seeking the healing powers of love.
This soul is rarely released, for in the treacherous and forbidding realm of reality, it's vulnerability would guarantee your crashing defeat.

My friends are a source of company, well being, joy and laughter. So naturally I like to socialize with them. If the opportunity for us to spend time together arises then I take it and make the most of it. But when the music stops playing and I am left alone looking through a chest full of nostalgia, Mr Loneliness pays a visit. He will swoop in when I don't want him to, reminding me that I am on my own, telling me about how unhappy I am. No matter how much I object to his words of poison, they take influence over my mind forcing me to give in. That influence spreads soon enough, corrupting my soul and any last bastion of my former well being. I become his caged animal.